Handling Grown Children Who Refuse to Be Independent

In today's society, it is common to have grown children who continue to live with their parents and struggle with independence. The conflict arises when these adult children either refuse to move out or refuse to take on financial responsibility. The decision on how to handle such situations can be challenging, and it's crucial to approach the matter with a clear strategy in mind. Whether you want your child to move out or contribute financially, understanding the right approach is key to promoting their growth into responsible individuals.

Setting Boundaries and Expectations

The first step in addressing the issue of dependent adult children is setting clear boundaries and expectations. This can be done by either setting a specific date for them to move out or by implementing a system where they pay rent and share household responsibilities. For instance, you might consider giving your adult sons a 6-month move out date. Such a timeframe can serve as a clear timeline, prompting them to take action towards their independence.

However, if they do not find suitable housing during this period, the issue escalates. If your child has no place to live, no resources, and no employment, it can be incredibly distressing for both you and the child. In such cases, proactive measures need to be taken to ensure the child can secure adequate living arrangements. This might involve looking for short-term housing solutions or discussing options with local authorities or non-profit organizations.

Taking Legal Measures if Necessary

When a child continues to live at home without making strides towards independence, even after setting clear timelines and expectations, it might be necessary to take legal measures. Eviction is one option, but it should be a last resort. In some cases, your child might be a parasite, relying on you without contributing to the household. However, it's important to remember that eviction should not be used lightly, as it can strain the parent-child relationship.

When evicting an adult child, it is crucial to make it clear that they must adhere to the rules or face eviction. Make a firm statement that you are serious about this, and be ready to follow through with eviction if they do not comply. You must also ensure that your actions align with the law. Legal advice can be valuable here to understand your rights and the proper procedures.

Using eviction as a threat or action can also help enforce the realization that living in the real world has its own set of responsibilities. If an adult child does not pay rent or perform their assigned household chores, their ability to live rent-free and have you maintain the house is null and void. This teaching moment can be invaluable in fostering responsibility.

Teaching Responsibility from an Early Age

It's important to note that these issues often stem from a lack of early teaching regarding responsibility. Chores and financial independence should be instilled in children from a young age. If your child has never had to do these tasks before, it's understandable that they might resist when suddenly faced with these expectations as an adult. However, it's crucial to start teaching these skills at an early age to promote a sense of responsibility and independence.

When your child has never had to contribute to household duties, they may believe that these responsibilities are simply the parent's job. Therefore, if your adult child has never had to do chores, they might assume that continues to be the case. It's important to start teaching these responsibilities early, so your child understands that everyone in the household has a role to play in maintaining a clean and organized home.

By setting these expectations early on, you are better preparing your child for adulthood. However, it's important to remember that just because you teach these skills doesn't mean your adult child will automatically apply them. If they use these excuses or refuse to do the tasks, it might be time to consider if eviction is the right course of action.

Handling Mental Health and Developmental Disabilities

If your adult child has a mental illness or a developmental disability, the situation becomes more complex. In such cases, it is important to have a family meeting to discuss the needs and challenges of your child. If your child does not have a diagnosed condition, a family meeting can still be beneficial to discuss the time table for finding a job, starting a job, saving for apartment damage deposit, and paying for rent.

It's crucial to help your child transition to adulthood by providing the necessary support and guidance. This might involve enrolling them in job training programs, assist them with finding housing, or provide financial assistance. If your child has a mental illness or developmental disability, professional help should also be sought to ensure they receive the appropriate support and treatment.

Conclusion

Handling grown children who refuse to be independent involves setting clear boundaries, teaching responsibility from an early age, and addressing mental health concerns. By implementing these strategies, you can help your adult children become more independent, responsible, and self-sufficient. Remember, it's a gradual process and patience and understanding are key.